Nerves

[sapphoatsunset]

Title: Nerves
Author: beililee
Rating: PG-13 for language and innuendo
Pairing: Sungmin X Sungmin
Disclaimer: Don’t own
Prompt: #47 - Stutter (42 of 100)
Word Count: 243
A/N: 100 Fic Archive
This is a different format than my usual one (although I use to write this way all the time. ^^)

Dear Diary,

Why am I so nervous, so on edge? Especially around him, or in front of the fans, or on stage, or… Damn it! I wish I could show my frustration but everyone expects me to be cute. Sweet and adorable Sungmin! I could fucking punch someone right now, seriously. (And you know, Diary, you know I have the ability to. ^.~)<

I suppose the act of writing in a diary proves them right, but I need an outlet for the shakes that keep me awake at night, an outlet that DOESN’T involve the meeting of flesh and bone, either in combat or love. Either is not the solution. Not, not, not! I’m fucking serious!

Love,
Sungmin

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what to do. Why won’t it stop, the clattering of my jaw. It used to be just before we went on stage, but it would be chased away by the feeling of us all, together on stage. I think that’s the problem. He’s not here. They’re not here. And China is all-the-fuck-far away damn it!

They’re visiting for the weekend. I’m getting more nervous because he’s grown up so fucking much; and his confidence, even with a language not his own, can I just squee? I feel like a fangirl now; this is what that feels like, right!?! But I’m nervous, nervous that he’s too good for me now.

Dear Lord, please. Don’t let me stutter in front of him tomorrow

Love,
Sungmin